i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
