I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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