my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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