its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
