I think I died a long time ago.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
