Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
