How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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