Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
