The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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