dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
