Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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