He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
