...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
