so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
