Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Found the puke drawer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
