i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
