we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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