yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize