Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
