the day after is always just damage control
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
