i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
