Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
