$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
