So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
