We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
