I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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