I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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