Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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