apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
