It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
