mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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