You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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