There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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