Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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