Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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