Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
