my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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