That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize