Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
