the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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