I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they're like a gay fantastic four
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
