A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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