I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I deserve this hangover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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