Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
