now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
