I just gift wrapped bread.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
