The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
