i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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