Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
