i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
