Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
