I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
