Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
