never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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