Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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