I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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