We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
