There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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